Tonight, love you, keanu wraps up with Bram Stoker’s Dracula. A forgotten critical success and box office hit, the film is based on Bram Stoker’s 1897 novel and follows Vlad Dracula (played by Gary Oldman) from Transylvania to London as he searches for love with the woman he believes to be the reincarnation of his dead wife.
Dracula is olde skoole in the blood-sucking world. One of the first depictions of a vampire in fiction, he has almost been completely eclipsed by more recent versions of immortal fanged fellons – some bad ass, some child-like, some business casual and some, ahem, sparkly.
Which raises the question – which kind of vampire is best?
As much as I would LOVE to build some kind of mass arena in which the all the flavours of vamps could duke it out, I simply do not have the time nor the liability insurance.
And so, I turn to the internet.
Now, the internet sometimes dissapoints, but thank goodness for Wikipedia as it comprehensively lays out everything I could want to know about famous vampires of fiction. Not only do these tables mean that can I identify which type of vampire I’m dealing with from their appearance alone, but also how each type reproduces and how I can best kill them.
So using the “facts” presented by Wikipedia, let’s compare Bram Stoker’s creation to the progenies of Stephanie Meyer.
While both Dracula and the vampires of Twilight are described as “alluring” Dracula has no shadow or reflection making him rank high on the creepyo’meter. Also Stephanie likes her vampires pretty so they sparkle in the sunshine, which is just nonsense.
Winner – Dracula
Hmmm, Dracula isn’t too tough here. It seems that Bram’s baddy can be killed by staking, fire, decapitation and drowning while Edward is impervious to everything but fire, even if decapitation and staking might slow him down, a bit.
Not only that, but Dracula can only come in if you invite him and don’t even think of serving him garlic bread. The vampires of Twilight on the other hand? Well they could break in to your house and steal all the garlic in your house if they wanted and they would, because they are like that.
Winner – Dracula is the weakest which makes Edward the actual winner here.
Both of our chosen vampires have supernatural speed, strength, senses and healing but Dracula can fly. Also he can turn into a wolf, a bat as well as dust and fog. All Edward can turn into is a whiny man-girl whenever Bella looks at him without biting her lip. He can also turn into a human disco-ball on clear days.
So there you have it, as proved by the internet Dracula beats Edward. If you don’t agree, argue in the comments.
Bram Stoker’s Dracula is on at 10 tonight – tune in and see how vampires did it before it all got a bit emo